I need advice, I feel I am at a dangerous point in my life. I started sleeping with men for money in University Level 200, not because my parents are poor but I need extra cash to do certain things for myself, food inclusive, I never used those monies for luxury life. It was always to eat. Glory be to God I stopped sleeping with married men before graduating last 2 years.
I entered a very good relationship with a good man I thought. It’s been 3 years and I just found out I am not the only one. If I can count, we are about 30 ladies he is running shifts with and promising us marriage. I am really broken because I never forced this relationship to happen. I remember clearly asking him on several occasions if he will take me far and every time, he assured me.
This Is Not What I Signed Up For
I really love this guy but after knowing what I know I have to break my own heart and walk away. He has really wasted my time and made me push away other good guys I met. He is not apologetic about it either. I am beautiful with a nice body, I don’t ask him for money or give him any problems. He was the reason I stopped sleeping with men and started a small job of which I don’t make much but I learnt to be content with whatever I get from it.
He now wants me to remain his side chick since he is getting married in December. Sometimes we judge people too quickly never knowing we are likely to wear the same shoes. What went on between us for the past 3 years for me created a lot of connections because of the adventure. In my head, I know I have to let him go but my heart is not agreeing with it.
And if he marries in December, I know I’ll still be sleeping with him, but I want to give his new wife the respect she needs or I wished I had but like I said life comes in so many ways and you’ll never know which shoes you’ll be wearing. From my childhood, I never pictured this to be my future but look at me now.
Now My Broken Pen
On the outside, everyone sees me as a brilliant, innovative student. I finished school with a first-class, I have a good-paying 9 to 5 job and other 3 well-doing side businesses and I’m always in church and I’m just 24. But my love-sex story is getting scary for me. What happened to me?
I’ve been trying to use my work to cover up for all the pain going on in my life but it doesn’t seem to work, or I can only compress the pain for a short while and I’ll just explode. No one knows yet but I’m now on alcohol and I cannot have sex unless it’s a threesome or more. I even go to the extent of having sex with lesbians.
I know for sure all this was triggered from the heartbreak because this was not me before. How do I start all over again and how do I stop all these things? How do I come out of everything? All this is a side of me no one knows and those who know, I’ve paid them to shut up. My fantasies are now abominations to God. I’m still in love with my ex. Where do I heal from? I can only compress the pain for a short while and I’ll just explode. Because I want to commit suicide.