Coming out of my dilemma and getting to know how I had been raped, changed me for good. I lost myself and everything I stood for as a proud woman.
I’m and sure by now, you have answered yourself in PART ONE of this story. Well, you may probably be judging after this but this is me.
As much as I wanted to cry and curse the hell of a man he is for doing this to me, I couldn’t. The only thing I could do was to replay my doom in my favour, the smell of his sweat and imagine how energetic and strong a man was. And I wanted more of him for no reason.
I may have been bruised, or broken or probably lost my mind in a way but I didn’t care. Because I know I won’t be able to put the pieces of the “WHY’s” together.
It was at this point I realised no man has ever handled me the way Ben did. Not even my gentle boyfriend.
The Lost Moment
I was up and awake all evening till I didn’t know what to do with myself any longer. It was 12:30 am in the middle of the night when I found myself at Ben’s door knocking. His hostel was just 10 minutes walking distance from my hostel so it was possible.
What was I thinking?
Well, I guess I wasn’t in my right state of mind and all I needed was a distraction. The best of me, he had taken without permission I told myself.
Ben opened the door and before he could speak. I told him he started a journey with me we never arrived, he better take me there. He was shocked at how non boarded I was after being sexually abused by him.
The Guilty Conscience
Ben wasn’t just shocked but scared as he watched me undress. Well, that was quick because I walked into his room in a bodycam dress, with no pants and no bra.
He fell on his knees with tears in his eyes and he pleaded and pleaded, asking for forgiveness. “I mistook your personality as one of the many girls on campus who crave for a piece of me but I have realised it was a wrong identity, he said”.
Feeling guilty of his action after I left without a word, he called my number many times and later realized I left my phone in his room. He even came over to my place after getting my location from a friend but after several knocks with no answer, he left.
Funny enough I started laughing. It was funny at that time because all I wanted was sex. I wanted to experience the soul locking moments I missed. The freedom of space where tears and happiness mean the same. That is all I wanted.
How I Turn the Table of Desires Around
I got off the bed and walked to him and kissed him. Falling on my knees I dropped off his pants and remembered the days of cupped ices and the black and white “lolis” (Alawa)
He was dead between his legs. But not for long when his life was handed over in my mouth. This is a man, I thought to myself. Huge and strong and long I could feel my organs reacting in my body.
As the saying goes the nakedness of a woman makes a man less of a man and more of sex. He swallowed his guilt and took over to wheels and this was the beginning of a long drive into the morning. For the very first time in my sex life, I had “multiple sexual pleasures”.
Kobby cannot do this I said to myself. No matter how good and caring he is to me he couldn’t even ride with me one round for more than 15 minutes, wow this man is a beast.
All so soon it was Sunday morning already and it had been a long night full of food, love, sex, sex, and sex.
This is Not Me
I am not thinking am I, I asked Ben. As we both laid beside each other on the bed.
What have you done to me, what am I going to do? He laid straight as he watch me, not knowing what to say. And it was a Sunday…
(Part 3 coming up Shortly. Stay tuned)
Questions of the day
- If you were Ben, would you have ridden with her all night?
- Why do you think Ben raped her in the first place on the first day?
- What kind of woman do you think she is?
Kindly live your comments in the comment section below and on our social media platforms, let us know what you think and what you would have done.
Part Three (Final): How I Got Sexually Addicted to My Rapist
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