“… the next I realised was being tightly grabbed from the back by my rapist and strangled on his bed with my pants down.
The whole experience took me about 15 to 20 minutes, with me being unable to say a word. I picked my things, left for my hostel and quickly took my shower.
It was then I realised I was raped by Ben.” (PART ONE)
“This is not me, this is not the person I am, I’m not thinking, am I? I asked Ben as we both lay beside each other on the bed.
What have you done to me? What am I going to do? He lay straight on the bed as he watch me talk and lament, not knowing what to say. And it was a Sunday. .” (PART TWO)
I could feel something in me was missing and I need to find it but I was helpless. Maybe you may understand if you have been in this situation before. Unfortunately, you don’t because you haven’t been raped. I feel like a broken mirror, still finding the other pieces of me.
This was the beginning of my sexual addiction with the man who rapped me. I am not proud of what I did, I wasn’t thinking and that was the only better way I found then. I needed to regain my broken self and my pride as a woman, so I did what I did.
Back in Beginning with My Rapist
Now back to the beginning. Ben said he couldn’t take his eyes off me when we first met. My body curves, my front and back packaging were killing him inside. He said he felt disappointed when he found out I was in a relationship with another.
And he wasn’t sure if his urge for wanting to have me for himself would ever go away. He said he didn’t know what moved him to rape me but I guess it’s the ‘Lust’ that men carry along with them.
Well, you may be asking the “Like seriously” kind of questions right now. But yes, he fell in Lust with the perfect body curves. The heavy endowed back and front assets seem quite irresistible.
After my long conversation in silence with Ben that morning, I felt I had betrayed Kobby, my boyfriend. I love Kobby with anything I am and I had never lied to him ever since we start dating two years ago.
I had made peace with myself for being raped by Ben. But I knew I wasn’t going to forgive myself if I keep this away from Kobby. I was certain I wasn’t going to stop seeing Ben.
Before you ask me if I have fallen in love with Ben, the answer is a big no. I believe I would have if he hadn’t abuse me sexually. He is a seductive demon of Lust I couldn’t break away from.
I Broke-Up with Kobby
So I told Kobby the truth of being rapped three weeks after. He didn’t take it lightly but then again I told him I couldn’t be with him anymore. The truth is, I can’t look at him the same way I use to and I was ashamed of myself.
This broke his heart, but I believe it was the wisest decision to make at the time.
Ben on the other hand claimed he had fallen in love with me. My rapist, fallen in love with me? Hmmm.
I told him I could never love him because I can’t trust him ever again. But the worse thing was I couldn’t stop was seeing him. He was just that thorn that hurts you inside but you wouldn’t pull out cos you love the pain. I enjoy every single moment of us together.
Our affair ended when he left the country for further studies right after school. Some way somehow, I’m glad he is out of the country and I hope he never returns.
Now, this was my story of how I was rapped and got sexually addicted to my rapist.
Question of the day
What would you have done differently if you were the writer?
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