Hi, a development is threatening the stability of my marriage and I’m struggling to find a way to handle it. I’m not a happy person and I feel the joy we have built is fading away because of how my Husband is obsessed with his old school mates. I will say My husband is a very faithful and supportive man who works hard to provide for his family and loves his kids.
But now, there’s so much going on and it’s having a toll on me mentally. Basically, after he was elected the president of his old students’ association, he is either sending some financial support to one of them, paying the school fees for the kids of one of their members or contributing hefty sums at their social functions.
Whenever I decide to speak about this, my husband would change his whole mood. He says I don’t have empathy and does not see the reason I go to church if I will not be happy he is helping others. I have explained about the fact that we don’t have any investments for our 3 kids and still living in a mortgaged property with pending servicing.
My husband would not have any of these.
Sometimes, he would invite them over and I have to cook for them to eat and have drinks. He tells me it’s from their dues but I am privy to the fact that he contributes about 90% of the money.
It’s not that I have any issues but it’s draining our resources and more importantly, when they come, they drink and some of them smoke so now I have decided to take the kids to my parents’ before they come.
But there is a new twist which is making the scenario scary. One of his mates returned from the the US over the Christmas season and he made him come and occupy our guest room. I initially thought it’s for some few days but it’s turning into weeks now, and there is more to it.
This friend brings a different woman to the house each weekend. I think this is very disrespectful but my husband says he is yet to marry so he is sampling to settle on one. My kids who are 10, 7 and 5 sometimes ask me certain questions which suggest they are beginning to see these unhealthy acts.
I have respectfully asked my husband to let him go or even help him get a place but he tells me it is this friend who gave him a place to sleep during his manual work days when he traveled in his university days and even gave him his papers to work with so he can’t do that.
My husband thinks I’m not respecting him by being cold to this friend. But I can’t continue to oversee this nuisance, I spoke to his mother who she listens to and she said her son likes people same as his father so I should understand cos it almost cost her marriage some years back,
But certainly I need to find a way before my marriage skips away from me. I don’t feel happy in my own house and what is even killing me is my husband does not want to discuss this at all. He has just gone to buy chairs and tables because he says they will have more get togethers in our house this year.
How am I going to fix this broken pen?